My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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