Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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