Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
