i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
