thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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