There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
