I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
