Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
