There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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