I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
