he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
