I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
