I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
