I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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