i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
