this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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