He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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