I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
