i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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