Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
