Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
