I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
