Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
