I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
