just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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