My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am available for nakedness
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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