some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need to align my fucking chakras
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
