You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This is my gift to your gina
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
