I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
