Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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