Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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