He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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