They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
