We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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