U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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