It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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