There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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