YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
