that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
