he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
