went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
