Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
