the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
