Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
