I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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