I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My feet surprised me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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