I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have feelings that need drinking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
