guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
