Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
