We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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