So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
